so many things have happened. which just adds on to how terrible this year has been.

but i suddenly dawned upon many things that i've neglected all these eighteen years of my life. How much i've wasted each day of my life. when studies was once such an important, probably the most important thing in my life. all the effort that i've put in but now i've just lost it all. but i have much better things to accomplish in life than just studying and i'm going to make sure i'll live life so much more fruitful now.

first it was my uncle at alexandra hospital. i can still remember the first time i went to visit him, how fragile he seemed and how everyone was so worried about him. and even to the extent that the doctor had told us to be prepared and let things go naturally. and how he would always pull out that tube they inserted into his stomach through his nose and then they would bleed after that and we had to tie him down to his bed. and then he became better each day, he played with us, although he couldnt speak, i know he could sense the love everyone had showered upon him. and his facial expressions always showed how he was feeling. (which many of us have lost the ability to just express our emotions out freely, hidding it deep inside us) and his hands grabbing tightly onto the toys we bought for him. he's just very much like a small boy. i guess that's the innocence of man without facing all these complexities in life. and then came his operation which caused him an infection and he even had to be isolated for fear of spreading some virus. and that time my mother was so worried for us that she desanitised all our belongings there. arhh. and now he's fully recovered and back at woodbridge and even able to enjoy at least his pleasure in life, of eating.

and then just a few days later my grandfather met with an accident. and now he's hospitalised cos he had a brain haemarrhage operation which could have led to much worst consequences if we hadnt send him to the hospital that night. but its just saddening to see how someone who was so strong and fit suddenly lying on the bed and being unable to move. he used to cycle to parts of singapore, he used to go all the way to wherever just to get us nice food and to buy nitty gritty groceries and even brought it to our doorsteps. and now, he has difficulty even lifting his leg. and fears of being unable to move after all this while laying on bed. it's scary how things in life can go through such drastic changes in just a split second.

for one, we've been through much misfortunes. but on the other, i'm just glad that things have always worked out well. and how "lucky" we actually were for all these things have happened that at least it didnt turn out with worse consequences. and i really cannot imagine them happening. but i thank god for that for blessing our family so much. and for having such a wonderful family that have been so supportive of each other. and i realised how important family was. that even though things have not turned out well, they were still so optimistic and not letting this turn them down. and being there for my grandfather and my uncle, for everyone, each day.


& i'm just hoping, wishing please let him recover. let him be that strong fit grandfather of mine. give him the strength to face all these obstacles and the mental strength to get well soon. i'm sure he'll be able to do it. i'm sure he can.